“What’s with all these angry women?”

The question carries several assumptions. 1) Women never were this angry before, and 2) Women have no logical reason to be so angry right now.

The false belief that liberal rage is a “new tactic” exploited by the Democratic Party to target the deeply held beliefs of rural white men and women shows a complete lack of self-awareness among many men in America. Apparently, these men (and some women) are absolutely unaware, or unwilling to admit, how often the general population of women have avoided confrontation or commentary that may harm a fragile male ego.

The rage America now sees on social media and in the halls of Congress has always been inside of women, but we have been kind enough to shelter men from it until now. Because the male self-worth has been such a focal point of American culture, women have consistently felt pressure to back down anytime her opinion or emotion may challenge a man’s sense of comfort. We are well aware that the wrong type of criticism may be perceived by a man as an attack on the size of his genitals.

Women who have challenged a man’s opinions or emotions have suffered retaliation in various ways – myself included. The loss of a job, failure to receive a promotion, physical or emotional abuse, insults about her looks, microscopic analysis of her past sexual behavior, and even accusations of mental instability, have overwhelmingly accompanied our feedback. Facing this kind of outcome, most women used to believe the better course were to keep our opinions to ourselves and not face retaliation. Yet, that choice led to a diminished sense of importance, pent up rage which never got expressed, or anger which manifested itself in other ways (such as alcohol abuse, depression, or even suicide).

Part of me wonders if this is something men do know at a primal level, and perhaps knowing women will hesitate to speak up explains why sexual assault is so vastly underreported. Perhaps we will never know.

I believe it is more probable that men have no idea how frequently they have been placated. Now that women have chosen to remove the veil, drop the Ego Filter™, and express our true selves, men are absolutely shocked and annoyed.

Let me warn America: women have been pushed too far, for too long, to quiet down so you’d better adjust.

Anyone who may assume my opinion on this topic means I am a “man-hater” is a specimen of the exact concern about which I am speaking. My words do not make me a man-hating feminist. I love men. I am married to a wonderful man, and he makes me a better human being – I never want to know a world without my husband at my side. I simply expect the same level of self-awareness and regard for humanity from men as I expect from women. If this expectation shatters the fragile existence a broader population of men have designed for themselves, then I am doing a great civic duty by injecting some reality into a very sheltered image.

Women have been raised to exist – and thrive – despite criticism, strife, conflict, disappointment, insult to our very being, or violation of our bodies. Due to such expectations, we have an innate quality of empathy, as we know we exist in a world designed through a male lens. Even women’s issues, like maternity and menstrual health care, are still designed by men, despite their lack of ovaries. Laws are written largely by men. Prisons are designed by men. Women involved with any of these, and more, have had to conform to the male blueprint.

A common mistake men continue to make is a belief that the abundance of commercials marketing to women equates to women’s needs being met. FALSE. The existence of corporate recognition of feminine cliches (jewelry for Hallmark holidays and easier meal prep for Christmas) has absolutely no bearing on a woman’s equal representation in government, the work force, or the home. 

We women have had to go to great lengths to conform, continually putting ourselves in a man’s shoes in order to navigate a country which is catering to the male ego while stifling feminine needs at the federal level. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg was once asked at what point she will be satisfied that there are enough women on the Supreme Court. The question itself highlights the tone-deafness of our society, as if having additional women in a particular role is merely a matter of pacification – “Fine, we will add one more, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW??” Yet, her answer resonated with women everywhere.

“When there are nine.”

RBG doesn’t have an Ego Filter™, and she has become the role model for women who have been frustrated in attempting to balance our voices with the push-back from men who do not like the so-called “sudden change” of women being more forceful in demanding transformative representation. The anger we have hidden for most of our lives is aggressively percolating, boiling over, and no longer willing to placate the male ego.

I do not believe men are inherently evil. I do not believe men, in general, are intentionally harming women. I simply believe the vast majority of men are unaware of how women are feeling now, or have felt for generations. Women have withheld their true feelings for so long, attempting to keep conflict at bay, and that decision has given a false sense of security allowing men’s needs to dominate our culture.

Dear men, if you don’t know it yet, you should accept this reality right now: Your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, female friends, female co-workers, and grandmothers have sheltered you from your own emotional discomfort.

What has this Ego Filter™ protected you from? She wanted to tell you how wrong you were to call her “emotional”, but she didn’t. She wanted to tell you she’s uncomfortable having a gun in the house, but she didn’t. She wanted to tell you that your wrinkled shirt would prevent you from getting that promotion, but she didn’t. She wanted to tell you that you didn’t have anywhere near enough experience to get that job you wanted, but she didn’t. She wanted to tell you she is tired of cooking your favorite meal after she’s had a rough day tending the house and children, but she didn’t. She wanted to tell you she’s tired of you playing video games all day – every day – while she is a taxi service for the family, but she didn’t. She wanted to tell you that feeling inferior simply because she makes more money than you is childish, but she didn’t. She wanted to tell you she hates your idiot friend, but she didn’t. She wanted to tell you that “locker room talk” is an excuse for acting like a complete asshole with no consequence, but she didn’t. She wanted to tell you she’s tired of not having an orgasm, but she didn’t.

The past two years have been pivotal for women in America. We see reports of comments from Chuck Grassley that Republican women “don’t want to do” the job of being on the Judiciary Committee because it’s “a lot of work”, and we aren’t willing to hide our rage anymore. After hearing the sworn testimony of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford regarding the sexual assault she endured, we see the comments from fellow Americans who suggest she is only speaking up because she seeks money, and we are not willing to be silent about the ignorance of such a statement. We endure the slander against our intelligence, our looks, our clothing, the tone of our voices, our emotions, in an unprecedented double-standard which we are tired of tolerating.

Somehow, in the minds of some men in America, women’s collective ability to speak openly about what ails our souls has been deemed an “attack on white men”. Such divisive rhetoric is now poised to be the conservative platform for the midterm elections. Isn’t it poetic…the fragile male ego inevitably conflating honest feedback and expression of our truth as an attempt to diminish all men as a lesser being.

We are merely shining light on a prescient problem, so the self-pity isn’t necessary. Learn to accept constructive criticism. You will be better for it.

This is not a binary choice, ladies and gentlemen. I, as a woman, can be concerned with how women are treated and appreciate a man’s place in our country. An attack on over-abundance of male representation in society isn’t an attack on the existence of men. While men may feel blindsided by the flood of outrage on social media and in government, what men should be doing right now is thanking women for keeping the fury suppressed until now.

Men, you’ve had your centuries of free expression. Now, it’s time to wake up to ours.