Boy, I love a good demonstration.  Even better when there happens to be a healthy dose of frivolity.

The movie “Lincoln” was just released in theaters, and isn’t it funny that we have groups of citizens in Georgia, Texas, Alabama, Louisiana, Tennessee, Florida, and North Carolina petitioning the White House to secede from the Union?  Hmm.

While I struggle to understand the grounds for such a request, I do have a favorite champion of secession – the one and only Joy McGraw from Georgia.  She’s a feisty woman, who has certainly given a lot of heartfelt thought to her request to break Georgia away from the über-evil hand of the United States government, with its horrible methods of allowing eligible voters to stand in line for hours and exercise their constitutional rights to choose which candidate they want to have represent them both locally and nationally!  *Gasp!*  There is no clause in the Constitution for what happens when things don’t go McGraw’s way and she has to look at Barack Obama for another four years!  The President is far too powerful with his ability to create jobs, fire people, raise and lower gas prices, perform abortions, marry gays, and give pot to people in Colorado!  This is a travesty, and we must all secede from the Union!

Hang on, I have to grab a towel, because I am dripping disdain all over the floor here.

I can only deduce the grievances of the Great Secession relate to the spending in Washington and the passing of legislation regarding social programs which are contrary to their personal beliefs.  The dissenters’ actions seem to insinuate if Mitt Romney had been elected, suddenly every Congressperson would have removed his or her head from their rear ends, miraculously balanced the budget, ended entitlements, and stopped gay marriage.  Bullshit.  The problems we face with respect to social programs and federal spending have little to do with who sits in the oval office, and a hell of a lot to do with who comprises the House and Senate.

These same people bitching up a storm now have survived Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush Sr., Clinton, and Dubya holding office, making appointments, starting wars, smiling on camera, and shaking hands with foreign leaders with nary a petition to secede from the rest of the country.   What is the difference?  I believe the answer is obvious, but few would actually have the guts to admit the demonstration is rooted in bigotry.

While I applaud the petitioners’ exercise of their constitutional rights, this movement strikes me as very misinformed.  But the best part is reading statements from those like Joy McGraw, because it effectively removes all fear I have of this becoming a reality.  McGraw says, “If secession happened I would want to start a new currency.  It’s not unrealistic.  The dollar value is going down, and we all know what the economics are about in this country.”  I guarantee, Ms. McGraw, your currency will be worth beans in the global market. “Buy American? Hell no! BUY GEORGIAN! …No, no, the one by the Atlantic Ocean, not the Black Sea!  BUY GEORGIAN!”  You’ll be wishing you had a dollar in your pocket next to your wheelbarrow full of craptastic paper you’ll be printing in your basement, Joy.

Pause for a moment to ponder the latter part of her statement…What exactly are the economics of this country?  Despite an enormous recession, we are still better off today than our grandparents were during the Great Depression. What is so dire about your situation, Joy?  Are we rationing meat, sugar, and milk? Do we need to sit in long queues hoping for a drop of gasoline? Might I assume your needy child only has the first generation iPad instead of the iPad Mini?  Perspective is really necessary when making accusations of the magnitude of our current recession.  When Twinkies disappearing off shelves is front-page news in this country, we are far more privileged than the men and women who farmed in dust bowls and worked tirelessly in factories to put bread and butter (not KFC) on the table every day.

In the grand scheme of things, yes, our economy has serious issues and our national debt is a problem.  However, threatening to break away from the rest of the country over disagreements on social programs is about as wise as suggesting a 14-year-old leave home and start her own life because she is upset her parents spent money on a neighborhood party instead of paying down their credit card balance.  If these citizens are dissatisfied, it may be more effective to speak to their Congresspersons about growing balls and cutting discretionary spending.

McGraw says the White House should respond to the signatures on the petitions, for ignoring the petitions would prove that the president “doesn’t take 50 percent of the country seriously.”  How astute to point out 50% of all Americans voted for Mitt Romney….only that is not the case at all.  Details are difficult to keep straight, I know, but that ever-so-important stipulation of “voting population” versus “entire population” is key to the validity of this secession.

Having roughly 219 million eligible voters in this country for the 2012 election, with Obama receiving around 61 million votes, and Romney receiving around 58 million votes, that leaves us with about 100 million eligible voters who did not participate in choosing either of these two candidates.  The only thing McGraw should be deducing from these figures is that Romney supporters (outspoken enough to cast their vote to have someone other than Obama in the White House) only comprise about one quarter of the voting population, and about 19% of the entire United States population.  Hardly the 50% she somehow thinks is on her side.

This reminds me of an acquaintance of mine who was involved in a very messy custody battle with his ex-girlfriend. As he sat in the courtroom attempting to obtain custody of his son, the ex-girlfriend spent a good amount of time fabricating stories and stretching truths to make him appear to be a horrible father.  He said nothing to defend himself.  When I asked him why, he said one of the most profound statements I have ever heard. “When you know someone is lying to make someone else out to be a villain, it doesn’t take long for them to go down in flames. Eventually the truth comes out. You don’t even have to hand them a match, just sit back and watch them set themselves on fire.” He was right, because the more questioning this woman underwent, she made such a scene trying to contain her web of lies that her claims were not admissible.

I say, despite the silliness we should let these petitions for secession proceed, and we can watch the dissenters set themselves on fire.  I have yet to hear a valid accusation for the wrongdoing that would warrant secession, but I have heard a good amount of nonsense that comes from severely stretching the truth or making false accusations.  Let’s watch the Joy McGraws draw up a new government, a new currency, and stack their militia at those Georgia borders.  I’m intrigued to see what will back the new Georgia currency (gold? silver? beans?), and whether their constitution will have allowances for Georgians to draw federal aid for sustenance and rebuilding following the next severe hurricane.

Most find the federal government to be a convenient scapegoat when things don’t go exactly the way they would like.  But when the government is gone, those same people may realize just how much they relied upon that scapegoat after all.