Remember That Time We Almost Killed Grandma?

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April 3, 2013 by liebestropfchen

One thing is true…if you have smart kids, and they get bored, trouble is inevitable.

This doesn’t necessarily reflect on the amount of evil in the child. Sometimes, good kids just get so fatigued with routine that they end up testing the laws of reason in a manner that borders on insanity.

That was what led to the incident that almost killed my dear, sweet grandmother.

When I was little, my grandparents had a huge farm. Grandma babysat for my parents quite a bit, so my brother, sister, and I spent a lot of time on the farm. There was an incredible amount of land to explore (116 acres), a large barn we were told to stay out of (yeah right!) and a good sized pond in which we could fish or swim. Much to Grandma’s relief, when we got old enough to entertain ourselves with minimal supervision, the three of us kids would spend hours outdoors and she would have time to do her daily routine of tending the garden or the house.

But Grandma didn’t know just how close she came to an early death.

You see, my siblings and I weren’t the kind of kids to get involved in the normal kid-trouble, like stealing or breaking stuff. We had watched endless hours of “Goonies” and “Greatest American Hero” so we liked to spend our time saving the world from bad guys by building booby traps in the barn and conjuring up ideas for self-propelled flight or time travel. This was, of course, when we weren’t digging around in the woods finding ancient artifacts a la “Indiana Jones”.

So the day Grandma made us mad by punishing us for being too loud was the day we decided (against all better judgment) Grandma would be sorry when she met the receiving end of the booby trap we just had to build.

I’m telling you, sometimes we were more dangerous than we realized.

Our plan went a little something like this:

In the lower barn, Grandpa and Grandma used to rent out space for boat storage, and it just so happened the space was empty. My brother suggested we MacGyver the barn so when Grandma opened the barn door we could pull a rope that would be attached to a large potato sack full of rocks. The bag of rocks would swing down, hitting Grandma and knocking her out.


That would teach her to yell at us!

In all our youthful wisdom, at no point did we realize a large bag of rocks throttling toward an 80-year-old woman just might be enough to end her life well before she was ready to ride that soft cloud into heaven. All we knew at the ripe ages of 6, 7, and 9 was that we were smart enough to build a booby trap, and the successful triggering thereof would make our parents proud!

Side note: We also thought our dad would be delighted the time we tried to slime him, the way they did on “You Can’t Do That On Television”.


Thankfully he saw the bucket before it dumped on him, and our lives were spared.

Sometimes when bored children become mischievous, fate steps in (in the form of attention deficit disorder). We never succeeded in building the contraption in the barn that would probably have killed Grandma. Somewhere between the idea’s conception and dinnertime, we lost interest and ended up playing with my brother’s Transformers instead. But it just goes to show, if kids are creative and smart enough, there’s not much that stands between the blue ribbon in a science fair and knocking Grandma’s lights out.

I’m glad fate/A.D.D. stepped in, because Grandma sure had a close call that summer!

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