Why I Cannot Go Out in Public Without Makeup

2

March 11, 2013 by swingstatevoter

Anyone remember YM (Young & Modern) magazine? I used to love that mag when I was in my early teens. Clearly YM was the precursor to Cosmo for those of us who were too young to know about adult stuff. It was the “How To Make Him Notice You in Science Class” to Cosmo’s “The 157th Way to Make Him Your Booty Call”. YM made me believe back then that less was more and the “natural look” with makeup was the way to get noticed.

Not so much. What I came to realize very early on, after much public humiliation, was that I am not the kind of girl who can roll out of bed and go out in public without makeup on. It’s more than just wanting to make a good impression; more than the “make him notice you” taglines for the latest and greatest makeup tricks I used to live by as a teenager. This is a necessity for the good of mankind. I actually get noticed MORE for being makeup-free…but not in a good way.

The kind of way that children cry at the sight of my face. Women gasp at the horror of my skin tone. I can see men peer out the corner of their eyes with a pondering look of “Well…maybe with beer goggles she wouldn’t be so bad.”

Truth be told, I have a significant deficiency in melanin in the skin around my eyes (which makes the skin have an orangey-reddish tone), so without makeup I look like I’ve been crying for two days straight. Or maybe I had gotten incredibly drunk and run into the wall repeatedly. Fell down the stairs? Sure, we’ll go with that.

My sister and I looked a lot alike as babies, but I am always able to tell which baby photos are mine…I’m the freak with the sunken, red, alien eyes. It’s almost as if someone has taken an orange marker and gone to town coloring around my eyes…

Coloring

…until I look like a pale-faced china doll who fell eye-first into a vat of carrot juice.

Oh, but I wish I were one of those gals who could go their entire lives being the Plain Jane beautiful. Every once in a while, I get the urge to say “screw it!” and go out in public without makeup. This always backfires and leaves me questioning if my mind’s eye has been deceiving me all these years, and I actually look like Sloth from Goonies.

A few months back, I went to work in a hurry and decided to skip the makeup. Apparently my colleagues were not prepared to have Sloth on the premises, because there was a big to-do about how I looked very sickly and probably should be at home in bed. When the first few people to said this to me, I just brushed off with a little laugh. But after the fifth person??? I actually decided to go along with it and pretended to be “under the weather” the rest of the day. It’s just easier and less awkward to play along than saying, “No, jackass, I am not sick, I just look hideous without makeup. Thanks so much for bringing that to my attention!”

This Sloth needs a Chunk to make the world stop crying at the sight of my face.

Goonies

I suppose I wasn’t entirely making it up that I was sick, because toward the end of the day I did feel pretty down in the dumps with all the negative feedback regarding my face.

Lesson learned, no matter how much those mags tell me I should go for the natural look…no makeup = no bueno.

Maybe bad advice is why YM is no longer in publication. At least I’ll be telling myself that while I’m putting on my makeup every morning. 🙂

2 thoughts on “Why I Cannot Go Out in Public Without Makeup

  1. wow that’s how i feel!

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